Monday, March 14, 2011

It’s a Matter of Trust

We have a new member of the household. Her name is Luna, a kitten about 1 year old. She’s been a part of the family now for a couple of months, figuring out the dynamics and finding all of the good spots to hide. Hiding spots are good when there are two young, very active boys always in search of the cat ‘to play’ with. Understandably, Luna has taken more to my wife and I; we tend to leave her space and live at her own pace.P1060126

Recently, Luna has built up enough trust to nest on my shoulders. She’ll relax in a perfectly balanced position as I go about my normal routines working on the computer, making coffee and wandering from room to room. Gentle, consistent movements that she can predict and few expectations that she’ll stay; she’s up when she wants and gets off when she feels it’s time to depart.

Of course, my sons see this and continually ask why Luna won’t ride on their shoulders. I’ve caught them more than a few times heaving her up on their backs with instructions like “Sit down Luna”; often these commands come with a vice-like grip, holding her in place momentarily. Yesterday, that resulted in someone getting a nice scratch down one arm (taken without complaint, but with the comment “Luna, that wasn’t very nice." as the cat ran away).

They’re confused as to why I can successfully get her to ride on my shoulders while they can’t. They’re confused when I tell them that I don’t put her there; she comes on her own. She wants to be close and cuddle, but on her terms, not mine.

Many of our relationships are like this, especially in the service industry. When we can find it, we always prefer to do business with people that we trust. When I eat out, I want to trust that my server is really listening to me. In a hotel, I want to trust that my room assignment meets my needs. The sweet lady at the coffee counter on campus knows that I like a large, single cream with two cups because I'll be walking across campus.

Trust takes time to build, a commitment to slow, incremental steps of consistent behaviour that create a comfortable, predictable environment. Safe, but not in the boring fashion – rather the safety that comes from knowing someone has your best interests in mind and is looking out for you.

Building up a trusting relationship takes time and intention. There are no shortcuts. It cannot be transferred from someone else. And trust, just like your reputation, can be quickly damaged. When building a trusting relationship, consider:
  1. Moving slowly – jumping into action, demonstrating too much intensity, or jumping to the end of the interaction (such as trying to close way too soon!) will not build a foundation of trust. It’s not about you – it’s about building trust
  2. Being fluid – be aware of changes happening, whether it’s with the people you are dealing with or the context you are working within. Cookie cutter responses used in changing, fluid situations do not demonstrate authenticity. Remember that it’s not about you – it’s about building trust.
  3. Showing patience – sometimes relationships make progress, while other times they slide backwards. Invest time being with people, talking to them and demonstrating that you will be consistent in how you deal with them. (It’s not about you – it’s about building trust.)
  4. Investing time – trust comes from establishing a historical base of actions that meet or go beyond our expectations. Sure, an initial WOW moment is great for getting attention. But remember that flames make a fire pretty, while the coals are what gives it real heat. Coals take time to develop and are much tougher to extinguish. It's not about you - I think you've heard this before.
Somehow, we forget that our business relationships are just that – relationships. The pressures of the quick sale, of increasing today's business levels, of upselling and cold calling have shifted our focus away from the basic building blocks of human interactions. Building trust is one of those blocks.

These are tough concepts for my boys right now. They are hardly fluid, rarely move slowly, and patience is measured in seconds around here.

Luckily, Luna knows some pretty good hiding spots.

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Power of Two Pennies in Communication

There is a coin that lives on my desk. It's a very special coin.

More than a few years ago, when I worked in a different place, decisions were being made about an upcoming 'big' event. I was reasonably new back then - the kind of new where you might understand some of the political dynamics but really fail to appreciate historical context. And because it was more than a few years ago, I was a tad greener about organizational realities than I am now.

This 'big' event was the naming of a new facility, one that I watched grow from conception through construction. People around me were grumping about what it was going to be named; I too was on the grump band wagon. It seemed to me only fair that those involved with its design and development should have a share in the naming process.

The announcement came down one afternoon that the facility was going to be named after the patroness of the region, much in the same way many other buildings and centres had been in the past. To me, this was just a bunch of people selling out to political pressure and I was none too pleased. I could have just let it go. I could have continued to grump about it. I could have learned more before speaking. Nope, not me.

I wrote an email. A permanent, on the record, saved in the files kind of email addressed right to THE person in charge of the decision. As the organizational chart went, it was directed to my boss's boss's boss, the very same person who took the risk of hiring me in the first place just a couple years earlier.

Long paragraphs were crafted about the need to be our own organization, not caving to pressures outside of our four walls. I wrote of pride and honour, and questioned the wisdom of the decision at more than a couple of levels. With misplaced confidence, I ended my note with 'Just my two cents." and hit send. Essentially, my note was a “what not to do" in the digital age. Luckily, I was smart enough to keep the email address to only one person.

Just a few days later, my phone rang. Being neck deep in teaching and students, I wasn't thinking much about the email I had sent a short while prior. On the other end of the phone call was the person in charge, asking if I had time to chat; he would come to me. It's amazing how quickly you can retrieve and reread information when panic strikes, and I consumed my past prose with fresh eyes.

I was doomed. This was bad – really bad.

He joined me in my office, coming in with a calm, patient demeanour. No beating around the bush today, he got right to it; he told me that he was here about my email.

“Thank you” he said. I paused, taken off guard slightly. He appreciated that I took the time to express my feelings in a passionate and thoughtful way; it was refreshing, he said. Without notes or cards, he walked me point by point through my email, agreeing in some places and disagreeing in others. At the end of the day, he said, facilities are named because of money. Our patroness had pledged 10 times the next largest financial commitment, an amount that put us over the required investment; however, her estate didn’t wish the specific dollar amounts released. The exact amount they gave was not to be the news story.

At the end of our chat, he paused and reached into his pocket. He said that he’d been travelling a lot lately. From his pocket, he handed me a coin. “Do you know what this is?” he asked. I looked the coin over. “It’s a tuppence.” I answered after reading the coin, having not actually seen one before. He nodded. “That’s right – two cents. You gave me your two cents. I’m returning the favour.”

An agreement was struck that day. Should I ever feel the need to express myself about an issue, I need only include the tuppence with my comments as a way of signalling their importance. He would in turn return the coin to me after we had the chance to speak about it face to face.

I’m no longer with that company, but I still have that mentor. And I still have the tuppence. It lives on my desk to remind me of the responsibility that comes with using your voice, along with the importance of using it with intention, with conviction and with compassion. It symbolizes the effort involved in listening to others and valuing their input, especially when they disagree with you. It’s a simple tool that encourages and celebrates civil, honest discourse and promotes critical thought while protecting and respecting people.

I think we need more tuppences in circulation.

But that’s just my two cents.